Rita Rudner

Rita Rudner – I was a vegetarian until…


“I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.”
-Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner – I get a lot of…


“I get a lot of return business. I think it’s all those years I put in traveling around the country people saw me before and had a good time so they want to see me again.”
-Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner – I want to have children…


“I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.”
-Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner – Men who consistently leave the…


“Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.”
-Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner – Some women hold up dresses…


“Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire?”
-Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner – I love being married. It’s…


“I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.”
-Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner – Someday I want to be…


“Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.”
-Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner – Men who have a pierced…


“Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.”
-Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner – I wonder if other dogs…


“I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.”
-Rita Rudner

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Rita Rudner – There are different kinds of…


“There are different kinds of humor, some is sarcastic, some introspective. Introspective fit my personality better.”
-Rita Rudner

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