Rodney Dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield – My marriage is on the…


“My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.”
-Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield – When I was born I…


“When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.”
-Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield – This morning when I put…


“This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.”
-Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield – Yeah, I know I’m ugly…


“Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.'”
-Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield – I worked in a pet…


“I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.”
-Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield – Acting deals with very delicate…


“Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide he exposes himself.”
-Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield – With my wife I don’t…


“With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.”
-Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield – I told my wife the…


“I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.”
-Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield – I found there was only…


“I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.”
-Rodney Dangerfield

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Rodney Dangerfield – What a dog I got…


“What a dog I got, his favorite bone is in my arm.”
-Rodney Dangerfield

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